Insane

Have you ever had this feeling...that you shouldn't feel a certain way, but you can't help but feel it anyway? And that feeling consumes you, obliterating the senses, and you find yourself unable to recall even a single happy memory.

Well, I've been going through that recently. Long story that you really, really don't wanna hear.
But anyway, thanks to a friend, I think I'm able to move past it and go forward. But it's hard...so, so hard

"What my mind commands, my heart cannot obey"

-Mark-

Crows and Ashes

Actually I got nothing much to blog about.
These past few days have been poorly spent playing chess, Left4Dead, studying and texting.

Speaking of Left4Dead (awesome game btw), there's been a sudden craze for zombie survival-horror games. You know what I think? Gamers today want the feeling of killing innocent civilians in games, but without all the guilt attached to it. So zombies are a perfect solution. I mean, they're already (un)dead right? And they're after your brains, so killing them should be okay, yes?

The world today promotes a sick culture. The act of killing, causing mortal injury and taking lives have become such a normality. You see it in games, on the TV and in the news. Society tells you that sex is bad, sex is immoral, sex is unnatural. But not killing, killing is okay. Killing is normal. Death is normal

I mean, a few years ago I saw this video on my friend's handphone. A group of terrorists shot a tourist in the head, then decapitated him and display his head to the camera.

My first reaction was: Oh okay...I've seen all this before.

It wasn't until I went home that I realised that I actually saw a REAL man murdered in cold blood and felt nothing. I was sickened with myself.

Even yesterday, a group of my classmates were laughing at a picture in a newspaper of a man with a funny expression on his face. When I saw that picture, I was shocked. The man was carrying a dead child in his arms who had been killed in a suicide bombing. Nobody actually noticed this. Even worse, nobody cared.

The youth of today have been desensitized to the horrors that the world has to offer us. Every tragedy we see is just another game, another movie. The value of human life has been cheapened.

The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions...a statistic
-Joseph Stalin-

This is one of Stalin's most infamous quotes during the era of communism. But these days, even the death of a single individual has become insignificant.

So can we really say that society has progressed forward?
Cause it doesn't seem that way anymore

-Mark-

Rhetoric is a Bloodsport

I feel so disappointed.
I was the 3rd speaker for my school's Rotary Debate team...

and we lost

The motion was: This house believes that If only one language existed the world would be a better place.

My team was the Opposing team.
I've highlighted the words that made refuting this motion so damn difficult in red.

Any ideas?
Anyway, I still felt that I spoke well.
The audience in general liked my speech.

The judges however...did not
-Mark-

On the Losing Side

The appearence of H1N1 has affected the lives of so many people around the world.
And they say it's only going to get worse.

I swear, humanity will never learn.
You can't fuck with nature without expecting some kind of retribution or consequence.

On a more personal level

Many of my classmates are sick today.
My prayers go out to them.

I myself am not feeling well again.
My cold seems to have returned with a vengence. Damn

-Mark-

The Lockdown

Imposed self-quarantine on myself today.
Woke up this morning with a sore throat, a fever, a slight flu and a minor headache.
So I skipped school and spent the last 12 hours sitting in front of my laptop.

Thankfully, most of these symptoms have receded.
Still got a sore throat. But feeling better now

-Mark-

Pseudo Democracy

-When you support the ISA and decide that you want the public to know that you do, you're known as a Peaceful Demonstration.

-When you DON'T support the ISA and you open your mouth...you're called an Illegal Rally

-In America, if you don't voice your opinions...you're not exercising your rights

-In Malaysia, if you even hint that something is wrong with the establishment...you get arrested

-When you wear black anywhere else in the world...you're a Goth

-When you wear black in Malaysia...you get arrested

-If you decide to make your country's national anthem more relevent to today's youth...you should be given a medal

-But in Malaysia...you get arrested

I love this country
-Mark-

Click

When I settled down with my family to watch Click on TV a couple of weeks back, I expected some slap-stick comedy film with an uninspired script.

After all, it was a film about a universal remote control that could control...the universe

LAME

What I got was something completely different.
The comedic value of this movie was way above expectation.

But towards the middle part, the message that this movie portrayed was both meaningful and very touching.
Almost cried towards the end.

Adam Sandler has been doing some good movies.
50 first dates was another decent movie.


Anyway, I won't spoil it for you by telling you what happened.
But I highly recommend this movie.

Just one more thing:

***SPOILER WARNING***






WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO FAST FORWARD SEX WITH KATE BECKINSALE??!!

I really needed to say that. XD
-Mark-

Trial by Fire

My team lost the second round in the Sallehuddin Championship (debate).
Looks like we have to improve alot more to stand a chance in the Nationals.

To be fair to myself and my team, we fought the team that won 1st place in the HELP College Debate this year.
And we only had 2 days to prepare...cause our teacher 'forgot' to tell us about it until Monday (the competition was on Wednesday of the same week)

Anyway, in my opinion, we didn't lose that badly.
We actually stood a fighting chance.

Also, just went for an interview to elect the new EXCO for the Michaelian Chess Club.
I'm aiming for the Presidency, since the rule that only Six Formers could hold that particular post in no longer in effect.

And...my exam results were terrible.
And Report Card Day is on Thursday.
And I haven't finished my homework since...January

Die laa...
-Mark-

Crucifix

Just came back from church.
Haven't been going for almost two months
Alot has changed.

My Youth Fellowship is kinda going into decline.

The musicians are still inexperienced, which is fine...it's just that they don't seem that passionate about their music compared to their previous counterparts (No offence)

And most of the older members are all leaving. For studies or work

One after the other.
2 more are leaving today.
Many more are following.

Which is depressing...

Also, there are two of my friends there whose mothers are suffering from cancer.
So the atmosphere there has darkened somewhat.

On a more positive note:
My group CY5 has a new leader, Xian Chang to replace our last one (Fish) who left last week
And my cell group members all still kinda close, even after almost 4 years

Hope things get better for everyone
-Mark-

Run Faster

Just made some calls...there's no place left for reservations at the prom.
Should have booked earlier. But I didn't think I would be going until a couple of days ago

How sad. Maybe I'll go for the ballet instead
-Mark-

Cursed

I'm having a day from hell

First, I accidentally broke a table at school by sitting on it...
In my defence, that table was already messed up

And the manner in which I broke the table was...very embarrassing
Others will be blogging about it too, so I'd rather not mention it here.

They took pictures...

And that's not even the worse part.
After recess, I went up to class late. When I got there, one of my friends told me

"Mark, you're going to die"

I thought he was joking, so I asked him what happened.
The conversation is as follows(more or less):

"Just now, there was a helluvalot of Indians who came looking for you"

"WTF? What for...?"

"I dunno, but they are like...damn pissed at you for something. You better follow teacher out of school later. They will be waiting for you outside after school"

"..."

I still thought he was joking (or lying). Until...
A boy from my class came back and told me that he overheard the Indian boys in other classes planning to whack me up or something. At that point, I felt it would be wise to assess the situation

So I went to an Indian guy in my class:

"What's happening lah?"

"You ah! What the hell you saying about us?"

"Huh...? What are you talking about?"

"You were telling, F*ck all Indians just now right?"

"WTH? No lah...I wasn't even here"

Anyway, he wasn't convinced. He just told me that they would be looking for me after school.
I couldn't concentrate on my Sivik & Kewarganegaraan test paper (like I cared anyway)

So, after the paper...we were allowed to go home early.
And they came in numbers I couldn't believe.
I swear there was like 30 or 40 of them(felt that way anyway)

Everyone told me to run. But I was like...

this is bullshit

I didn't do anything wrong, right?
Take my word on this: I have nothing against the Indians.

If you people are reading this: I have NO PROBLEM with you people. Someone is spreading lies about me. So, come on lah. You got the wrong guy

So I went over to them. Some were carrying helmets for God's sake. One guy put his arms around me and told me

"Don't scared wei...we just want to talk"

oh shit...I'm dead

But after some explaining to 2, 3 fellers. They kinda got the message and let me go. At the end of the corridor, my 'friends' were waiting for me.

"Hey Mark...you're alive wei!!!"

But they were still waiting for me at the front gate.
Luckily, I go home late on Fridays...but I found out from some friends that they still wanted to confront me.


What the hell wei...it's like I got some seriously bad karma from my past life or something.
I don't think it's over yet. Probably have to talk to them again on Monday

-Mark-

And the new American Idol is...

KRIS ALLEN???

WTH happened? Adam totally outdid Kris all throughout the competition and the finale was no exception

It's because he's gay...isn't it?

Anyway...it's not the end of the world.
Kris was still a great competitor and he's...nice

nice??

...

But why didn't Adam WIN???!!!
WHY WHY WHY WHY???

I suppose you don't get everything in life...
at least Obama won the elections...

-Mark-

f:u[c]=K Add Maths

I am highly confident...that I just FAILED Add Maths today

Omg...

Oh yeah, Nizar is no longer the Perak MB anymore...I don't quite understand how a decision that took 3 months to make could be reversed by a single day of appeals.

Democracy is dead. And just when I thought that our country was making progress

Btw, the new Form 6 girls are looking good. XD
-Mark-

Exams!!!

Divine Judgement awaits you
(I should be studying)

I just don't feel like doing anything right now
And my exams are like...tomorrow

I'm screwed, aren't I?
(yes you are)

-Mark-

Don't Disappear

I just composed this song today...


It tells a story about a guy whose girlfriend died in a car accident
So he sings to her, hoping that wherever she is, she can hear him


I was feeling emo
But I hope you like it

Please give me some feedback. Thanks
-Mark-

DON'T DISAPPEAR
By Mark

Verse 1
Run towards you,
say I love you,
but you're so far away

Separated, suffocated,
I will look for you,
blinded by the light,
I tried to fight,

don't disappear...

CHORUS
Scream my heart and soul,
love takes it's toll,
but I will wait,

Hear me shout your name,
I take the blame,

don't disappear...

Verse 2
Hold you in my arms,
until the calm,
takes you away

Did you hear my voice?
and made your choice,
I'll see you again

CHORUS
Scream my heart and soul,
I lose control,
why can't heaven wait?

Hear me shout your name,
I take the blame

please don't disappear...

Verse 3
When tears fail to express,
go get some rest,
I'll join you some day

So, when you get there,
pull up a chair,
and save a seat for me

CHORUS
Scream my heart and soul,
love takes it's toll
but I can wait

Hear me call your name,
It's still the same,
don't disappear...

please don't disappear...

Tactical (part 2)

Went to see Sunny at the hospital today.
I can understand why he's bored...poor kid only has a handphone to keep him company

And the nurses, although very friendly, probably contribute to the rising number of hospital fatalities.

LOL

Sunny was pressing the 'Patient Distress Button' to get some painkillers.
The nurses didn't come until 5-10 minutes later.

By that time, a patient could have suffocated, bled out, had a seizure and/or died

But I must reaffirm that they were very, very friendly.
Just that their response time leaves much to be desired.

Anyway, he seems to be in some serious pain.
So I talked and talked and talked to keep his mind off things.
Should have confused him enough to last several days...

-Mark-

Tactical

For those of you who don't already know:

Sunny Phang is currently in Fatimah Hospital after breaking his leg by doing a front flip in the school field.

(They don't call it breakdancing for nothing)

Anyway, he's scheduled for minor surgery later today.
So please say a quick prayer for him.

Actually, if you think about it...there's no such thing as minor surgery.
Surgery is surgery

School is damn, freakin boring without him...
so pray that he makes a quick recovery for my sake

Over and out
-Mark-

Afraid to look

One of my discipline masters HATES me.
And I'm talking pure loathing/contempt/livid/ good ol' fashioned hatred here

But that's okay...I hate him too

Today, he falsely accused me of skipping class...during marching practice.
And he only saw me during recess.

So, I got sent to ANOTHER discipline master, who I like better (at least he's fair). So my name is now on record, blacklisted. And my offence? (LOL)

"Tidak memberi kerjasama dengan menghadiri kawat kaki"

At least that was what was written on the form.
Which I had to sign for btw...

-Mark-

Cause that's how I Roll...

Everything has been going downhill since CNY...

More expenses, less income.
Not doing anything for Valentine.
Still got a bloody basket full of mandarin oranges left uneaten.
And my bamboo plant DIED

>.<''

On the top side,
my personal life is not in chaos anymore.
It's still dying a slow, painfully prolonged death...but even that is a significant improvement over the alternative, which bordered close to suicide

I'm going to Youth today. I haven't gone in ages.
I've been derelict in my duties to the Lord. Forgive me

Btw, Judith's birthday was on the 5th (I think)...so HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDITH!!!

*Cough*
-Mark-

Harry Potter and The Secret Post

There has been a political post on this blog that has just been removed by me for security reasons (Pakatan Rakyat no longer controls the state of Perak)

If you still wish to view this post, email me or spam my Cbox and I'll try to send it to you.

These are dangerous times we live in
-Mark-