Alone

Everyone's going to Youth Camp without me
DAMN!!! Have fun...

Burn

I don't really know if you'll ever read this.

It's just that I've noticed that the more I try to be there for you, the more you take me for granted.
I don't want to be just the guy you talk to when no one else replies your messages, or the guy you only notice when everyone else dumps you.

I already know that you not being able to go out and that your phone is only for 'emergencies' is a lie.
I've always known it.
And I don't want to be lied to anymore.
More importantly, I don't want you to feel that you have to lie to me.

So, I've decided to distance myself from you for a while.
I know I've tried doing this before, but I'll try much harder this time.

And we'll see whether or not he can fulfil your needs and wants.
Cause I'm not doing it anymore.

-Mark-

Flesh Wound

Even at my busiest, I always make time for you.
But you never seem to return the favour.

I think I understand now
-Mark-

Worth It

Hey everyone, this is a new song I'm working on.
As usual...another emo song

And I haven't come up with the music for this song or the previous one...yet

(that's Samuel's job)

No storyline for this one...the lyrics pretty much explain themselves.
Based on personal experiences? You never know

WORTH IT

(Verse 1)
Were you worth the pain and suffering?
Of my darkest days, hear the angels sing...
The lights fade out and I turn away,
cause there's nothing to live for anyway

(Chorus)
When my world crashes around me,
and you tell me that you're sorry,
I ask myself the question:

Were you worth it?
Were you worth it?

(Verse 2)
So I play our song inside my head,
eyes look up, but the heart is dead,
illusions shattered, choices made,
some too soon, and some too late

(Chorus)
When my world crashes around me,
and you tell me that you're sorry,
I ask myself the question:

Were you worth it?
Were you worth it?

(Verse 3)
Heard you whisper in my ear,
hold me steady, calm my fears,
you are everything that I hold dear,
until you disappeared

(Bridge)
When I look up, you're not there,
and I fall into despair,
watching you, wanting you
seeing you act like you don't care...

(Chorus)
When my world crashes around me,
don't tell me that you're sorry,
I ask myself the question:

Were you worth it?
Were you worth it?


-Mark-

Fading Lights

I'm feeling depressed again.
no one loves me...

And I don't even know who I am or who I want to be anymore
It's a feeling that comes and goes

Wish I knew how to make it go away
-Mark-

Nobody's there

Not ready to forgive you,
trying to forget you,
afraid to want you,
terrified that I need you...

-Mark-

Within or without

Sometimes it would be simpler,

to wear a mask in White or Black,

It's really that much easier,

than facing my fears, or watching my back

__________

Emotions used to come in many colours,

but now they come in grey,

to drown my sorrows in the music,

or dance the night away?

__________

Nothing I ever did made a diference,

seems to be nothing I can say,

best to know when I've finally lost her,

and live with that everyday

__________

-Mark-

Valentines of the Broken-Hearted

I want...

_____I need...

______I wait...

_______I feed...

on empty promises and broken dreams,
of lonely tomorrow's and shredded seams,

To remain? Or forget?
To be maimed? Or regret?

Such thoughts reside in the minds of the unloved,
consuming everything, from the inside out

Wait no longer, want nothing, need no one, and feed on everything

and you'll never be disappointed again...

Just hollow inside
-Mark-

Cause that's how I Roll...

Everything has been going downhill since CNY...

More expenses, less income.
Not doing anything for Valentine.
Still got a bloody basket full of mandarin oranges left uneaten.
And my bamboo plant DIED

>.<''

On the top side,
my personal life is not in chaos anymore.
It's still dying a slow, painfully prolonged death...but even that is a significant improvement over the alternative, which bordered close to suicide

I'm going to Youth today. I haven't gone in ages.
I've been derelict in my duties to the Lord. Forgive me

Btw, Judith's birthday was on the 5th (I think)...so HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDITH!!!

*Cough*
-Mark-

Blood Red Agatha

If Love can set you free,
then truly I am a prisoner condemned to death...

Trapped within walls of my own creation,
surrounded by guards created by my mind,
I cannot escape

But even if I could, would I take it?
Like an animal born bred in captivity,
cursed to spent an entire lifetime,
ignorant of the meaning of freedom

Than to live such a life,
it would be much better to die,

At least you wouldn't have to suffer so much...
-Mark-

Going crazy

It would be so much easier...
If I didn't care

IjustwanttobreakdownandcrybutIcant,
I can't even do that...

Damn this, damn everything...
And it's not even your fault

-Mark-

Red is the new Black

I'm crazy about her,
even though I know I'm not supposed to be...

What can I do?
When I see her in every sunset, and in every colour of everything beautiful and I can't help but think:

"I wish she was here with me"

On the opposite side, when things goes seriously, horribly wrong. When it all crashes before my eyes, I'm never worried

because I know she can make it better again

But, it's all too good to be true.
Because everytime I call her name, I realize...

She is everything I ever wanted and will never have

-Mark-

Never meant to be

This pain of longing and never having,
a torment that is never ending,
when thoughts of suicide and hanging,

start to play inside my head...

You'll never be there when I fall,
you never pick up when I call,
but still you're there, standing tall,

and I'd rather not feel anything at all...

Cause I always thought that you'll be there,
until I realized you don't care,
If this feeling isn't something we share,

I'd rather be left alone...

Stand alone

Christmas day was spent alone and bored.

Last night, I went to my church for the Christmas service. It was then confirmed that after the Youth Camp(which I did not attend)...that everyone has already forgotten about me.

But who cares right?

Anyway, holidays are coming to an end. Haven't really achieved what I wanted to...but I'm not really complaining. Just sad.

Screw new year resolutions, I'm not in the mood anymore.

*Total number of presents this year = 2

Merry Christmas
-Mark-

Return to the kingdom

Hello blog...long time no see.
Sorry I haven't been able to post on you for quite some time, cause I've been away in KL

Miss me?

*First sign of madness - talking to your blog*

Anyway, I went down for 2 chess tournaments(UIA and UITM), in which I only got an average score...and nearly lost my handphone in the process

-ate sushi and pizza for the first time in months

I would not be able to survive a single day as a vegetarian...thought you people might want to know

ANYWAY, I'll be going to KL again next month for the National Juniors and KL open

*boredom kills*

ALSO, got a 'date' this Thursday...maybe my life isn't a total waste after all.

Apart from that, my social life is still as dull as the Wall Street Journal(which is, contrary to popular belief...not that boring)

-Mark-